How To Deal With a Lost Or Missing Partner

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What to do when you lose a partner



Suppose you are relying on external motivation from a partner to help with your mojo.  Suddenly, your partner is not available.  What to do? You have to find more external motivators. Go back to basics. See if you can apply some of the other external motivators. For example, apply variety to friends, or find another friend. Equivalently, what if you have a sudden deficit of external motivators, and insufficient internal motivators or other components of mojo.

 I answered a similar question on Quora about an injured running partner. A running partner is a kind of friend who can help your running motivation. Finding another friend may sound crass, but unlike a spouse, it is okay to have more than one. Whether you have multiple partners at the same time or get another when the first becomes unavailable is up to you. Also remember that a partner does not have to be human.


One thing I emphasized in my answer was not to forget or ostracize the injured partner. The last thing that an injured person wants is to be ostracized. You wouldn’t be much of a friend if you did that. Plus, you might have even more to talk about while the partner is recovering. You might learn a lot from each other during the recovery. If these ideas aren’t enough and/or another partner is not available, try using the other external motivators more during this time. Just to review them, for instance, as a runner: variety means doing different workouts to keep them interesting and rivals means thinking about people you will be running against who might have even less mojo than you have.


Regardless of whether you use variety before a partner is unavailable or after, there are two ways that you can benefit.
  •     Varied opinions from different partners
  •     Changing your own opinion based on the opinions of your partner(s)
You can get diversity of opinion from your partners or you might change your own opinion based on the inputs from your partners. Sometimes they might agree. Sometimes, they might give you different opinions and perspectives. Either way, variety is good and helps you have confidence in your opinion.

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